Flippin’ The Bird
As I’ve said before, you can tell a lot about any particular circle by the way Report A Crop Circle Formation respond to it, in particular their “friends and family discount” policy. If they say nice things, you know that it was made by their mates. This is actually a good thing for those researchers who choose to believe and pursue that elusive “genuine phenomenon”, however they define it, as it immediately indicates which circles they can cross off their list. The circles RACCF had no inkling of – and inevitably rip apart as a result – are the ones more worthy of attention. With these thoughts in mind, three circles in particular caught my eye recently.
First off, the ridiculous rabbit at Alton Barnes on 14 July 2015. Even a cursory glance at the aerial shots marks this circle as a joke, and not even a funny one at that. The key, however, is less the dumb design and more its location and timing. It’s not a crop circle. It’s a political weapon.
A few days before it appeared, on July 11, Monique Klinkenbergh opened her crop circle exhibition in Marlborough. RACCF did not take well to that, to say the least. Their smear campaign against Monique and her endeavours is long-running, and I won’t rehearse its history again here. Their response came in Andrew Pyrka’s tell-tale pidgin English.
Mr Pyrka’s indignation at alleged ‘BLASPHEMY !’ [sic] is also rather ironic. Holding a crop circle exhibition in a building dedicated to the intervention in human lives of invisible sky beings, the existence of whom is reliant entirely upon belief and with scant evidence to support it, seems most apt to me. Note also the casually tossed-in lie that Tim Carson “was originally against the pass scheme yet is happily posing with Monique”; readers of my earlier post Farmers, Lie & Videotape will know that this is nonsense.
Three days after this photograph was taken, the inane rabbit formation appeared in one of Mr Carson’s fields, a short walk from The Barge Inn. Please remember that a great deal of effort behind the scenes has been undertaken by Monique Klingenbergh and others to win back the support of Wiltshire farmers following the damage done by certain individuals in past years. Again I would refer you to my article Farmers, Lies & Videotape for background. It seems very clear that the rabbit was intended to antagonise Mr Carson. It worked. Within a day the circle was cut out, though not before Matthew Williams and the Mr Gyro team had got their aerial shots.
Unsurprisingly, while the rest of us were thinking “What the hell is that piece of crap?” Williams had nothing but good things to say about this circle. Speculation ran rife that Williams and / or his Report A Crop Circle Formation associates had even made it. My only comment in that respect is that I do indeed know the identity of its creator, who should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for his part in such a crude prank, its only purpose being to piss off an already very unhappy farmer and to further the ongoing playground bullying agenda against said farmer and against Monique Klinkenbergh. Of course the circle was cut, though its purpose had already been served. Williams even had the temerity to insinuate that its cutting was due to ‘Dutch tourists’ – again a blatant snipe at Ms Klinkenbergh.
Enough of the rabbit. Even looking at the photos of it depresses me. Let’s move on.
First, for context, here’s a selection of some of this season’s perfectly respectable circles which RACCF have savaged because they weren’t made by their friends or reported to them or were suspected of being the work of people they don’t like. Criticisms included wonky line-work, misaligned components, malformed sections and uneven edges.
On 21 July, this next circle appeared near Rochford, Essex. The phrase “Christ in a centrifuge, what is that piece of shit?!” doesn’t even begin to do it justice. It’s an absolute train-wreck of a crop circle. I can find no redeeming features in it whatsoever. Every component is a mess, and none of them go together. Why does it have handles? What did they do the line-work in the lower right section with, their teeth? How inept does one have to be at making crop circles to screw it up this badly? This is, without doubt, the worst circle of the season and one of the worst circles in years. Did RACCF give it the kicking it so richly deserves? Let’s have a look.
So the circles depicted above get an kick in the nuts, and you let this crime against nature pass by with a “there, there” pat on the back? Way to go, guys! I was on the fence for a while, but now I definitely trust your judgment in all things circular.
Four days later, and back in Wiltshire (hang on, I thought there was supposed to be a boycott of Wiltshire by circle makers?), this next circle pitched up at Uffcott. At first glance it looks pleasing, but a closer look reveals how sloppy it is in its manufacture. RACCF even acknowledged this, in their weasel words “Lots of human errors but good to see something very ambitious and very different” (though I’d dispute the latter – in many ways it’s merely a rehash of bird/Aztec design motifs from seasons past). So why were they gushing all over it like teenage girls over Bieber? It includes all the construction errors they have attacked in other circles this season, including those I illustrated above. But that’s okay now, because, as Matthew Williams says in another post, “Yes clearly some symmetry issues – but like peoples [sic.] faces sometimes things aren’t [sic.] lined up. Our eyes for example – usually most peoples [sic.] eyes are not symmetrical on their faces.”
Mr Williams, do you need new glasses? Mr Williams, are we even looking at the same circle? Allow me to write the report of this circle you no doubt would have filed, if your page was not a transparent back-slapping sham but rather the “crop circle reporting and discussion portal” you claim it to be.
First, let’s take a closer look.
Tracing an imaginary line through the central axis of this formation from the bottom, first off one can see that the top half is askew. Wonky donkey work, as Mr Williams would put it. Both the square and top circle are out of alignment. At least, I think it’s supposed to be a square, despite one side being clearly longer than the others. At least they didn’t fuck up the maze motif inside it. No, hang on, they did. That’s askew, too, and the sizes of the quadrants don’t match. Actually, nothing on the left side of this formation compared to the right matches. Each component differs in shape or size to its sibling. Let’s have a look at the centre. What the hell is going on with those standing rectangles? They’re all over the bloody place, and each side doesn’t match the other. Remember that imaginary line we traced through the centre of the formation? Following it up to the middle, one can see that the wings are askew, too, with the left tilted down and the right upwards. The wings are also completely different sizes, with the left being shorter and narrower. Look next at the line-work inside those wings, and remember line-work is one thing that RACCF have been particularly critical of in other circles this season. It’s an absolute bloody shambles. Compare it again to the kinda-at-random photos I posted above, of circles that Mr Williams has ripped apart. It’s plain as day that Mr Williams is only bigging up this circle because it was made by his mates and fits into whatever agenda he was plugging that week, as opposed to all those other circles he squats over and takes a dump on because he either doesn’t know who made them or imagines them the work of people he’s fallen out with. At least, I hope that’s what’s going on here. The thought that he might actually believe all this stuff he comes out with is just scary.