Archive | August 2015

Flippin’ The Bird

As I’ve said before, you can tell a lot about any particular circle by the way Report A Crop Circle Formation respond to it, in particular their “friends and family discount” policy. If they say nice things, you know that it was made by their mates. This is actually a good thing for those researchers who choose to believe and pursue that elusive “genuine phenomenon”, however they define it, as it immediately indicates which circles they can cross off their list. The circles RACCF had no inkling of – and inevitably rip apart as a result – are the ones more worthy of attention. With these thoughts in mind, three circles in particular caught my eye recently.

bunnyFirst off, the ridiculous rabbit at Alton Barnes on 14 July 2015. Even a cursory glance at the aerial shots marks this circle as a joke, and not even a funny one at that. The key, however, is less the dumb design and more its location and timing. It’s not a crop circle. It’s a political weapon.

A few days before it appeared, on July 11, Monique Klinkenbergh opened her crop circle exhibition in Marlborough. RACCF did not take well to that, to say the least. Their smear campaign against Monique and her endeavours is long-running, and I won’t rehearse its history again here. Their response came in Andrew Pyrka’s tell-tale pidgin English.

raccf monique exhibitionMr Pyrka’s indignation at alleged ‘BLASPHEMY !’ [sic] is also rather ironic. Holding a crop circle exhibition in a building dedicated to the intervention in human lives of invisible sky beings, the existence of whom is reliant entirely upon belief and with scant evidence to support it, seems most apt to me. Note also the casually tossed-in lie that Tim Carson “was originally against the pass scheme yet is happily posing with Monique”; readers of my earlier post Farmers, Lie & Videotape will know that this is nonsense.

Three days after this photograph was taken, the inane rabbit formation appeared in one of Mr Carson’s fields, a short walk from The Barge Inn. Please remember that a great deal of effort behind the scenes has been undertaken by Monique Klingenbergh and others to win back the support of Wiltshire farmers following the damage done by certain individuals in past years. Again I would refer you to my article Farmers, Lies & Videotape for background. It seems very clear that the rabbit was intended to antagonise Mr Carson. It worked. Within a day the circle was cut out, though not before Matthew Williams and the Mr Gyro team had got their aerial shots.

williams rabbitUnsurprisingly, while the rest of us were thinking “What the hell is that piece of crap?” Williams had nothing but good things to say about this circle. Speculation ran rife that Williams and / or his Report A Crop Circle Formation associates had even made it. My only comment in that respect is that I do indeed know the identity of its creator, who should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for his part in such a crude prank, its only purpose being to piss off an already very unhappy farmer and to further the ongoing playground bullying agenda against said farmer and against Monique Klinkenbergh. Of course the circle was cut, though its purpose had already been served. Williams even had the temerity to insinuate that its cutting was due to ‘Dutch tourists’ – again a blatant snipe at Ms Klinkenbergh.

rabbit dutch tourists

Enough of the rabbit. Even looking at the photos of it depresses me. Let’s move on.

First, for context, here’s a selection of some of this season’s perfectly respectable circles which RACCF have savaged because they weren’t made by their friends or reported to them or were suspected of being the work of people they don’t like. Criticisms included wonky line-work, misaligned components, malformed sections and uneven edges.



wtfOn 21 July, this next circle appeared near Rochford, Essex. The phrase “Christ in a centrifuge, what is that piece of shit?!” doesn’t even begin to do it justice. It’s an absolute train-wreck of a crop circle. I can find no redeeming features in it whatsoever. Every component is a mess, and none of them go together. Why does it have handles? What did they do the line-work in the lower right section with, their teeth? How inept does one have to be at making crop circles to screw it up this badly? This is, without doubt, the worst circle of the season and one of the worst circles in years. Did RACCF give it the kicking it so richly deserves? Let’s have a look.

essex raccf comments 2

So the circles depicted above get an kick in the nuts, and you let this crime against nature pass by with a “there, there” pat on the back? Way to go, guys! I was on the fence for a while, but now I definitely trust your judgment in all things circular.

overFour days later, and back in Wiltshire (hang on, I thought there was supposed to be a boycott of Wiltshire by circle makers?), this next circle pitched up at Uffcott. At first glance it looks pleasing, but a closer look reveals how sloppy it is in its manufacture. RACCF even acknowledged this, in their weasel words “Lots of human errors but good to see something very ambitious and very different” (though I’d dispute the latter – in many ways it’s merely a rehash of bird/Aztec design motifs from seasons past). So why were they gushing all over it like teenage girls over Bieber? It includes all the construction errors they have attacked in other circles this season, including those I illustrated above. But that’s okay now, because, as Matthew Williams says in another post, “Yes clearly some symmetry issues – but like peoples [sic.] faces sometimes things aren’t [sic.] lined up. Our eyes for example – usually most peoples [sic.] eyes are not symmetrical on their faces.”

Mr Williams, do you need new glasses? Mr Williams, are we even looking at the same circle? Allow me to write the report of this circle you no doubt would have filed, if your page was not a transparent back-slapping sham but rather the “crop circle reporting and discussion portal” you claim it to be.

First, let’s take a closer look.


Tracing an imaginary line through the central axis of this formation from the bottom, first off one can see that the top half is askew. Wonky donkey work, as Mr Williams would put it. Both the square and top circle are out of alignment. At least, I think it’s supposed to be a square, despite one side being clearly longer than the others. At least they didn’t fuck up the maze motif inside it. No, hang on, they did. That’s askew, too, and the sizes of the quadrants don’t match. Actually, nothing on the left side of this formation compared to the right matches. Each component differs in shape or size to its sibling. Let’s have a look at the centre. What the hell is going on with those standing rectangles? They’re all over the bloody place, and each side doesn’t match the other. Remember that imaginary line we traced through the centre of the formation? Following it up to the middle, one can see that the wings are askew, too, with the left tilted down and the right upwards. The wings are also completely different sizes, with the left being shorter and narrower. Look next at the line-work inside those wings, and remember line-work is one thing that RACCF have been particularly critical of in other circles this season. It’s an absolute bloody shambles. Compare it again to the kinda-at-random photos I posted above, of circles that Mr Williams has ripped apart. It’s plain as day that Mr Williams is only bigging up this circle because it was made by his mates and fits into whatever agenda he was plugging that week, as opposed to all those other circles he squats over and takes a dump on because he either doesn’t know who made them or imagines them the work of people he’s fallen out with. At least, I hope that’s what’s going on here. The thought that he might actually believe all this stuff he comes out with is just scary.


Wellygate # 3

The latest post from Report A Crop Circle Formation Exposed is worth quoting in full:

“At the end of last year I made a conscious decision not to get too involved this season. It had become tiring and thanks to the characters on RACCF, like dealing with the Jeremy Kyle Show does Crop Circles. In any event, the purpose of this page seemed to have been achieved, RACCF and those who run it had been ‘exposed’. Worse still for them Matthew Williams had taken the reins over there and what with his hypocritical, corporate stooge stance with regard to pseudonyms, the tens of thousands of bought ‘likes’ and his laughable boycott of Wiltshire was fast running the page into the ground. But Williams being Williams will always find a way to make a bloody nuisance of himself and, sure enough, this season has been no exception. I am, of course, talking about the Gary King incident, or Wellygate as our friend Miles Challett has referred to it. You’ve all seen Charles Mallett’s Skype videos with Gary and I’m equally sure that by now you’ve seen the two reply videos Williams has finally finished editing to show himself in the best light and posted on his truthseekers666 YouTube channel. Unedifying as the denouement of those videos may be they show, as Gary King claimed, the antics of a thuggish boor flying a quadcopter illegally and harassing two occupants of a crop circle who then goes on to confront and shout abuse at his victims in a car park and receive a well deserved smack in the mouth and boot in the cobblers for his pains. So much for a right to reply but if you look at his YouTube channel a third almost non sequitur video in that it refers to, but has no connection with, recent events was also posted. Entitled “A Message to Tim Carson and Others” it is an extraordinary piece and well worth a view, raising more than one point worth commenting on.

“In the video Williams makes the statement “I have not made circles since I was convicted” which was nearly 15 years ago, I believe. OK. That’s a flat lie. What’s more there are many circle makers out there who know it’s a lie. He’s made circles all over Wiltshire, including on the Carson’s land, so the real question is why circle makers who have worked with him continue to support him in this lie? Why are you doing it because if he’s lying so easily about this what else is he lying about?

“Williams goes on to say he is not violent and has never threatened anyone. Not true, in fact it’s another lie. Elsewhere I refer to an encounter in the Coronation Hall car park in Alton Barnes in which he explained to me how to disable someone with a punch to the throat. During the same conversation we discussed his recent arrest during which a policeman suffered a broken arm and the circumstances surrounding that arrest. He made the claim that it was all the fault of Shelley (his then house mate and co-presenter of the execrable CMTV) and proceeded to say if he got hold of Shelley (who had wisely scarpered) he would give her the beating she deserved. He further claimed to “hate all women” (a statement that has current relevance). Shelley had already called the police to the shared house claiming Williams had been violent towards her. At some point in among this farrago a stun gun was recovered from the premises which Williams claimed to belong to the, by now, absent Shelley. (He’s done this before btw when his ‘house-mate’ Paul Damon fled the country at the time of Williams’ arrest for circle making. The police seized computers from the shared premises and Williams has since stated that they “belonged to Damon” and that he was a “pervert” – nothing to do with him apparently.) So, police called to his house to deal with an alleged assault, stun guns on the premises and subsequently a policeman gets a broken arm whilst trying to arrest Williams. But don’t worry he’s not aggressive or violent – it’s always everybody else. Or so we’re told.

“Next we’re treated to the Williams theory on how it could possibly have come about that he has been linked with threats of violence to the Carsons. It’s all the fault of that nasty Terry R back in 2012. Of course, what a relief, it’s another one of those unhappy situations that befall Williams where one of his close associates is involved in something nefarious and in which Williams is not involved. Williams, by his own admission, was involved with Terry when it came to making the circles that appeared on Carson land that season and which he flew at the crack of dawn in his now defunct microlight before the Carsons could get the machine out to cut them. He was involved with Terry when it came to laughing about this in the Barge but a conspiracy to assault the Carsons on their own land? Goodness no, that was all that ghastly Terry and an irresponsible film crew, he would never do such a thing, violence being anathema to him. He would never have been part of that conspiracy and acted as ‘film crew in his own employ’ had Channel 4 not scuppered this scurrilous enterprise, would he, even though he knew about it? Just one thing, then. Why did he make no attempt to warn the Carsons that this plan was in the offing? OK he’s not the Carsons’ favourite person so a knock on the door may have been a bit risky but why not alert the Carsons via one of their friends or even do what most responsible members of the community would do and call the police? After all he’s quick enough to call them when it suits, isn’t he? Sadly Terry doesn’t appear to be around to give his side of the story, or even give some clarity to the allegations of his being paid to make circles by Steve Alexander. Just as an aside – look at the photos Steve got of those circles on Carsons land back in 2012. He seems to have managed to photograph not much more than some damaged formations and the roof of the Carsons’ combine. Now if he paid Terry once why on earth would he have paid him again if this was the result, particularly when Williams has the photo of the undamaged formations and is crowing all over the internet about it? More lies.

“One last thing in this already overly long post. Finally we have the admission that the cutting of formations is nothing to do with Monique Klinkenbergh and that it is the fault of Terry and the campaign against the Carsons. Finally, after years of Williams’ lies, misogyny, racism and abuse we get the admission of what he knew all along that Monique is innocent of all the dreadful accusations he has levelled against her. The last three years, therefore, have been nothing more than a hate campaign designed to drive her away, presumably because she’s committed the sins of being foreign, intelligent and, worst of all, a woman. It’s too much to hope for an apology from Williams but he may like to think again about a post artist and circlemaker Wil Russell left on RACCF recently urging him to find something else to do and leave the circles behind. It’s good advice, particularly given the way things are going. After all, what has he achieved? A collection of crop circles of very poor quality and a litany of negative events that have left him with more detractors than friends.”

Report A Deleted Post Removal

Am I alone in finding the tautology of ‘Report A Crop Circle Formation’ irksome? It’s always niggled me. Who calls them ‘crop circle formations’? It’s either ‘crop circle’ or ‘formation’. ‘Crop circle formation’ is amateur and inelegant, in tune with the page it belongs to. But such things never were a strong point for Andrew Pyrka, coiner of said name – remind him about the malting stage of barley and see what he has to say.

I digress. RACCF have had something of a Night of the Long Knives recently, with numerous posts edited to the bone or simply deleted. They’ve done this before, whenever they’re caught out lying too many times or their piss-taking has pushed people too far and they feel their backs to the wall. Unfortunately for them, some of us have both long memories and galleries of screenshots.

Wellygate # 2

Matthew Williams has posted two videos to YouTube showing his side of the story and I present them at the bottom of this post without comment.

I know people expect me to choose a side in this (and, given the content of my previous blog entries, likely assume that side will be Gary King’s), but I don’t. I don’t condone violence, and consider the behaviour of both gentlemen unacceptable. Despite my pacifist leanings, however, I’m realist enough to know that I live in a world where one risks a kicking if one pushes some people too far. I console myself with the fact that croppies are for the most part peace-loving and laid back sorts, though as I’ve said previously, the only thing about this episode that surprises me is that Williams hasn’t received a smacking before, considering his long history of pissing people off. As my friend Jamie Foxwarren put it, this incident “may not be pretty and it may not be within the law but it is what happens when you spend years behaving the way Williams has. You won’t find many, if any, people in the CC world that have not raised a glass to Gary King.”


Charles Mallett interviews Gary King regarding the recent altercation with Matthew Williams in the Etchilhampton crop circle. I’ve no doubt we have months of YouTube monologues from Williams to look forward to. The only surprising thing about the whole saga for me is that it took this long for someone to give the guy a smacking.